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| Non-WTF Job: 4 Senior C# Developers Needed Now! (Cincinnati, OH) |
| « 1.1: A New, High-Falutin' Web-Comic | 1.2: First Job » |
Not Too Particular from Ichabod
After reading through a stack of dull resumes, this one was a welcome change.
OBJECTIVE
A job in IT. After looking for searching for a job for several months I'm not too particular anymore.A LITTLE HISTORY
My skill is to understand and finding solutions to problems. My gift is plain intelligence, at the expense of understanding planning and value. I can do the innovative and apparent impossible in programming in to solve a problem, the software being but a tool. The problem is that these innovative solutions may cause other programmers to be somewhat mystified and ticked off resulting in me answering a lot of questions that only s few might be able to understand. This mixed with my lack of ambition results in political suicide. I may not know the exact software you need expertise on. Yet, unknown to you, my basic nature can be used these to solve problems.That’s why most of my jobs have been from word of mouth.
Ed: emphasis added, more in the full resume (update: which is no longer a dead link!)
Case in Point from Emily
As part of the exit process from my current company, I was asked to fill out an exit survey. One of the questions was "what can the company do to assist others in your position".
One thing that always bugged me was that every process was automated and the systems tended to be clunky, so I thought I'd mention that. After typing my comment in the textbox, I clicked on the Spell Check button. And this is what I got.
Bringing Users Into Synchronicity from Nicholas Bretagna
In reponse to a job posting, I received this cover letter from an applicant.
Dear Prospective Employer,
My experience matches the description for Software Developer II for which you advertise.
I enjoy working with people to produce a graphic and redundancy-free architecture that brings developers and users into synchronicity. Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented. It involves gathering requirements from the players (users and management). Then, the architect creates a graphic and/or software representation of primary objects and their relationships to other objects.
The format of the graphic representation has never, and will never, change. It is an art form, and I'm very, very good at it. In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.
If you can offer the environment wherein this service is timely, I am interested in exploring further the possibility of working with you. Thank you for your consideration.
I will not be calling this person for an interview.
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I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.
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It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to
the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something. I really loved the closing line, however:You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work. Lucky us! |
"No, I'm not sour..." I admire the guy's honest, really. |
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I liked the "wherein."
Is it just me, or is this industry getting more and more psychotic by the day? I used to laugh at resumes like this. (I was young, carefree, and cruel.) Then I felt sorry for the poor bastards. (I was young, carefree, but slightly less cruel.) Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.) Is there a way of forwarding things like this to your local mental hospital? |
| « 1.1: A New, High-Falutin' Web-Comic | 1.2: First Job » |